I Sometimes Wonder Where To Start

by | Being Present, Fear, Perspective, Surrender

Sometimes, I do not know where to start, so I do not start.

Do you ever do that?

For example: Soon, I will lead my first group “How to Make the Most Inner Transformation During Outer Turmoil.” As I was pondering where does one start, I realized that one starts where one always starts – just take the first step from where I am now.

Similarly, several weeks ago, there was an opening between early winter storms at our ranch, so I decided I better pull shoes and trim our two ranch horses before the next snowstorm with brutal temperatures hit. I took the first step, walked to the pasture to get the horses, caught them, walked them into the barn, and an hour after starting, I was ready to work on the task of removing their shoes and trimming their feet.

Now, in case you do not know, anything to do with dealing with horse’s hooves is just plain hard work. More than 30 years ago, I was a horseshoer and I sometimes shod or trimmed 7-10 horses per day. Now, however, I mostly work as an attorney at a desk writing and talking. So, suffice it to say, I am older and not in the physical shape I once was when I made my living shoeing horses.

Back to my saga of trimming horses: After getting the horses off their hill and down to our ranch buildings, I next had to round up my tools since I do not use them that often anymore. Of course, I forget a necessary tool and I walked around back and forth between ranch buildings gathering all that I needed. By the time, I really started pulling shoes, I had been out walking for 1.5 hours. I started to get a little worried whether I would have what it
took to pull the shoes and trim eight hooves after the physical exertion Ihad already done.

I just kept telling myself, “just keep moving forward. You can rest if you need to.” Soon, after working on a few feet and moaning and groaning while pulling the shoes off, I had shed all my warm clothing and was standing there in the shed in my t-shirt dripping sweat. My inner voice was telling me, “I do not really like this.” Hmmm. I just kept putting one foot in front of the other and focused on helping my horses. You see, if I did not accomplish getting those shoes off, the horse’s feet ball up with snow and
ice and makes it very hard for the horses to walk up and down the hills. I did not want them to slip around and maybe get hurt in the next storm, so I kept working and removing the shoes.

As I was working on this task, dripping sweat, pondering how much I did not like the present moment, I realized that much of life that is worth attaining creates moments like this. I could just quit and leave the horses half done or even with too long hooves and shoes, which may cause them to slip and hurt themselves. Or, I could focus on the task at hand and keep on moving towards the goal one step at a time, and soon I would be done.

I did finish pulling shoes and trimming the horses’ hooves. In retrospect, my dislike or discomfort with the job seems very minor compared to what it felt like when I was dripping sweat wondering whether I had the outer or inner resources to finish the task. I am grateful that I was able to keep on keeping on to care for my horses. I am grateful I cared enough that I could push myself past what seemed like my limit.

Similarly, I have experienced that moving into and through inner transformation has times where it seems like I cannot or do not want to move into and through whatever resistance I have not wanted to face or understand. Yet, I have found that the best place to start is where I am and then to take the first step, and just keep moving forward until I am done.

Soon, in relation to my inner work to find greater peace, harmony and compassion, I usually discover that in retrospect it was not nearly as ominous as it seemed prior to starting or at some points during the process. Again, my ability to move forward means I just keep putting one foot in front of the other, like the pilgrims’ path, until I have accomplished the inner or outer task in front of me at that moment.

My mission is to serve a revolution for personal wholeness as a means to collectively heal the many places of dis-ease inside and outside of us. We do this one person at a time – one soul at a time finding their reason for being and then fully living from that place.

When we are whole, we can serve as a touchstone to hear others in their pain and be with them in ways that allow them to find resolution and freedom. Together, in a community of connection built on true freedom for all people, we can rise from where we are now. Let’s start a revolution for wholeness that starts at home inside of us, and from that foundation let’s transform our nations and all the earth to be the place we dream of.