Listening to My Inner Direction

by | Being Present, Revolution for Wholeness

I had a nightmare that my little dog ignored my calls and was lured in by a coyote. In that vivid dream, I saw Chewie, my small Jack Russell and Blue Heeler mix moving toward a coyote. The coyote looked playful, enticing, and safe. Chewie, who is usually very obedient, ignored my calls to come back and was lured closer and closer to the coyote as I continued to implore her to return to me.

In waking life I’ve experienced coyotes luring in cow dogs and then attacking them. I knew Chewie was moving toward danger, but she continued to ignore my leadership and attempts to protect her. I tried to run across the landscape to get to her, but I was too slow. The coyote got her, and by the time I found her, Chewie was covered up in the coyote’s den, which had carcasses buried everywhere. I uncovered and pulled Chewie out. She was not dead, but she was not right either. She seemed to have neurological damage. At that moment, I was torn by two competing desires. I wanted to chase down and exterminate the coyote, but I also wanted to care for my wounded beloved pet. I awoke up from my dream and then went back to sleep. During my prayers and meditation the next morning, the dream came roaring back into my consciousness. I pondered the meaning of the dream.

I realized that a part of me often wanders off and does not listen to the rest of me. The Christmas holidays are the perfect time for me to be lured away from my normal practice of making good, healthy choices for myself. Just one piece of fudge, one drink, or one indulgence in something leads me way from my balance and inner harmony. A voice like the wily coyote gently, playfully tries to lure from my true inner direction. “Just one step away from following your inner direction will not hurt you. Surely, you will not die. Come, let’s play.” It seems so innocuous.

Just like Chewie, who loves me and is a very good dog who ignored my calls and direction, parts of me sometimes ignore my higher direction. As with Chewie in my dream, if my coyote-like inner part leads me astray, I can suffer from my decisions. Ultimately, if I make a large enough move astray, my decisions could lead to great damage or outer death. Yet I am also sure that decisions to move away from inner harmony and peace are small steps away from being aligned with my divine self and many small steps can add up to leading me off a cliff.
My lesson from this dream is that just as Chewie was harmed from her escapade to follow the coyote, when my unintegrated parts go on a run and leave me, I too suffer at some level from leaving my safe place of alignment with light. Since Chewie did not die, I realize that just like her, I have the opportunity to bring those parts back to me and nurse them back to health. I always have the choice to decide whether I want to seek wholeness and integration, even when some of my parts seek unhealthy romps with wily creations.

Just as I chased after Chewie to save her from the coyote in my dream, I can withstand and fight for the return home and healing of all my parts so my soul can find wholeness. I can create a place of peace, hope, harmony, love, and healing within for my soul fragments to return home to.

Just as I had no inclination to punish Chewie for her dangerous caper, when my parts lead me astray, I can find love to welcome home those parts that are still wandering outside my inner circle of wholeness. This dream shows me that my inner healing is a work in progress and that I can recover when parts run away. But I also know that just as the coyote had carcasses in its lair, it is not a given that I can always bring parts of me home and nurse them to health.

In the past, I have thought that I could manage my parts with force. Chewie showed me that she could outrun me, which my scattered parts also do sometimes. While on my path, I have often wrongly thought that I could use will or force to overcome those fragments of myself that are sometimes drawn towards darkness. Now I am learning that misusing force is an embodiment of darkness instead of light. Also, I am aware that fighting darkness with darkness magnifies darkness.

I cannot just run towards the wily coyote parts that want to lead me astray. And I cannot force these parts to come or stay home. The only way I can resolve magnetizing my wayward parts home for good is to create a fiery furnace of love in my heart that is so warm, welcoming, and safe that my parts unite in wholeness inside me. The only way I can love enough to embody this much love is to surrender to God and believe that he loves me so much that we are one. I have to surrender my sense of unworthiness at all levels of being.

Each of us was created by God in our unique pattern of his creation. To identify with our divine union is to embody wholeness. I believe that each of us chooses whether we live or die each moment of our lives. Together, let’s start a revolution for wholeness that starts at home inside us, and from that foundation, let’s transform the outer world to be the place we dream of.

Hertha L. Lund,
Founder of Four Horses for Wholeness.